


VDay with Beej

by Hoodoo



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: F/M, Surprises, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29430642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoodoo/pseuds/Hoodoo
Summary: Beetlejuice does his best on this holiday of love.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 8





	VDay with Beej

“Babe babe babe babe–" 

With a repressed long suffering sigh, you interrupted him, because you’d learned he’d just keep pestering. 

"What is it, Beej?" 

"Saint Valentine. You know? I mean, now in the stores it’s all cupid and doilies and crappy chocolate and mass-produced ugly jewelry–-if you want jewelry, I’ll get you the fanciest art deco earrings, I mean the women buried with them on aren’t using them, or–or! I know exactly where a few unearthed Egyptian tombs are so if you want some really unique jeweled scarabs I can get those for you, no prob–-" 

"Beej, what are you going on about?” You dearly regretted allowing him to drink Red Bull after he saw a commercial for it. 

He didn’t skip a beat, going back to his original thought. 

“–-so Valentine’s Day is just this twisted, homogenized-for-the-masses day, right?" 

"Uh-huh …” you agreed carefully. 

The specter beamed. “So I thought, "She would like to celebrate, I’m sure, cause of all the loooove, but she’d probably appreciate going back to the roots of the holiday.” But with a nod to the modern, ‘cause that’s familiar! So I got you something! Close your eyes and hold out your hands, baby!“ 

With more than a little trepidation and a thrill of horror, you gingerly cupped your hands in front of you. The wide grin on Beetlejuice’s face convinced you not to close your eyes completely, so you peeped at him through your lashes. Good thing too, because from behind his back he brought out a huge bloody chunk of flesh. 

"What the actual fuck?!” you exclaimed, yanking your hands away and literally jumping back. 

Beetlejuice looked a little hurt. “It’s a heart, baby! Originally Valentine’s Day was pretty bloody, with all the beheadings and all, so I thought a homage to that was a good idea. Now it’s all hearts, so the past plus now … I thought this was a pretty good combination!” `

You could barely drag your eyes away from the muscle in his hands. 

Beej’s smile dropped to a loosen jaw expression of gradual understanding. “Oh shit. Baby–baby, don’t worry, this isn’t a human heart, this is a cow heart!" 

"That doesn’t make it any better!” you blurted. His face fell completely, so you took a deep breath. “Beej … thank you for thinking of me. I appreciate the thought. Really! I just … I guess I’m just too modern to … truly appreciate the historic truth of the holiday. I’m more of a flowers and candy kind of girl." 

With better understanding, the specter nodded slowly. "You know flowers were given because no one bathed and stunk pretty bad, right?" 

You smiled. "Yes, I know. And,” –-you continued quickly, as he tried to interrupt with more historical facts–- “and I’m aware they’re used at funerals to cover the smell of the body." 

He nodded, pleased that you’d paid attention to some of his little factoids. 

"Why don’t we go out tomorrow and buy a bunch of Valentine’s candy,” you suggested. 

“Tomorrow? But Valentine’s Day is today …" 

You gave him a wink. "But tomorrow it’ll all be _on sale."_

The grin he returned was just as gleeful as the one he had earlier, when he was excited to give you a literal heart. 

_fin!_


End file.
